Thursday, November 1, 2007

Review: Celestial Seasonings' Perfectly Pear White Tea

The idea of a delicate white tea brutally cut, torn and ripped at the hands of an unbridled shredding machine is a little gut wrenching. Somewhere there's a giant steel box, churning with guts full of razor blades, carelessly hacking at what otherwise should be a pampered tea leaf. Why would anyone desecrate something so pure and holy? Do we spit at holy sites? Do we use the bones of Saint's as monopoly pieces? Would we headbutt the Dalai Llama or spill our chocolate shake on the Pope? Barring some eccentric exceptions, no! So why massacre a tea leaf destined for white tea?

Because it suits our palates.

Well, some of our palates.

Celestial Seasonings is no fool. They understand that Americans with their hard work-a-day lives have no time to steep leaves properly. It's a lot of hassle and equipment cleaning to do inbetween McDonald's runs and litanies against soccer. So companies do us a favor and make white tea simple and easy. They bag it. And bagged tea needs to be very small, hence the Zorro act on the tea leaf. The transgression is unpardonable, but nobody else seems to notice. So, with a heavy heart and a thirsty palate I give Celestial Seasonings' White Pear a try.

The box and cat, both with excellent posture.

Here's the company's review:
Long ago white tea was a rarity reserved for Chinese royalty who treasured its wonderfully calming nature and delicate depth of flavor and aroma. We celebrate to the unique flavor of white tea with the lusciously mellow sweetness of Perfectly Pear White Tea. Natural pear and vanilla flavors enhance the white tea's soft, flowery tones ... perfectly. Served hot or iced, this tea is truly elegant. Our suggestion? Find a favorite place to enjoy Perfectly Pear White Tea, and refine the moment into something especially for you.


So what makes up such a perfect tea?
White tea with natural pear and vanilla flavors.
Uncannily vague.

Appearance & Liquour: A quick vivisection yields the tea bag's contents. Inside I found a pile of powder staggeringly transformed. There is no semblance of tea here. Only tragedy, broken into bits and then broken again. The liquor brews up a wet-straw golden brown, leaning a little on the green side but only faintly.


White tea, wishing it were whole again.

Raw Aroma: The sheer assertiveness of the pear dominates the raw aroma, but this is to be expected. It is, like other Celestial Seasonings' teas, very dusty, inciting a long series of sneezes. I think I'm done here.


Steeped Aroma: The Perfectly Pear White Tea's most elegant quality is here in the nose. A decadent waft of butter gambols out of the mug to coat the olfactory before introducing the scent of the pear - specifically pear juice, not the rind or flesh. But the pear's subtle fruity qualities combined with the soft, buttery notes is, if not deep, then intoxicating. It is an aromatic massage sans Helga, giving your senses just the slightest hints of flavor to excite. Not bad, Celestial Seasonings. Not bad at all.

Flavor & Palate: Where the aroma excels, the flavor disappoints. The sip that brings in the tea is flavorless. On the tongue it is flavorless. Coating the mouth with the tea manifests a generic bitterness that reminds me it is an herbal tea, but not a mite of pear can be found. Until the aftertaste. It's here that a slow crescendo of juicy pear reveals itself, materializing into its recognizable softness and sweetness. It is a humming of pear. Like the aroma, both soft and delicate, it is tangible, but still ethereal and persists long after the actual tea has left. Unfortunately this is a poor substitute for the tea's general lack of flavor. No drink, I think, should force the drinker to wait to the end of the sip to catch any of the beverage's qualities.

All the tea together.

22 comments:

Stephane said...

I am impatient to see you get to the good stuff. Though your prose is elaborate as always, I am not sure anyone is surprised by Celestial Seasonings' poor showing.

Jamie D. said...

Lovely and very humorous review, Garret. I'll look forward to reading your reviews of "real, unabused tea" very soon...

And thank you for the link - I'll return the favor momentarily. :-)

Blonde American Girl said...

I am of the opinion that white tea leaves slashed by a masked swordsman are superior to those abused by a shredding machine. For Zorro tea is the Tea of Justice.

Anonymous said...

in caper pendants [url=http://www.blingforfun.com]hip come jewelry[/url],[url=http://www.blingforfun.com/pendants/cat_9.html]hip jump pendants[/url],informed short trip watches,[url=http://blingforfun.com/belts/cat_18.html]bling bling[/url] ,hep skip,[url=http://blingforfun.com/chains/cat_7.html]hip voyage chains[/url],cool leap bling,[url=http://blingforfun.com/chains/cat_7.html]iced out like a light chains[/url],[url=http://www.blingforfun.com/chains/cat_7.html]wholesale chains[/url]
hip jump jewelry

Anonymous said...

I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I totally agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)

Anonymous said...

i'm new... promise to brief around more regularly!

Anonymous said...

I have be familiar with a insufficient of the articles on your website trendy, and I unqualifiedly like your style of blogging. I added it to my favorites net stage list and disposition be checking stand behind soon. Please check in view my orientation as ok and leave to me conscious what you think. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Great post.
my page :: Scott J. Ferrell

Anonymous said...

Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging
on websites I stumbleupon every day. It's always helpful to read articles from other writers and use something from their web sites.
Also see my site > high quality beats by dr. dre headphones

Anonymous said...

Ahaa, its good discussion on the topic of this post at this place at this webpage, I have read all that, so now me also commenting at this place.
my web page > we buy houses fast for cash PA

Anonymous said...

Hello to every single one, it's really a good for me to go to see this website, it consists of priceless Information.
Also visit my page : Film Noir

Anonymous said...

I need to to thank you for this wonderful read!! I definitely loved every bit of it.
I have you saved as a favorite to check out new things you post…
Look at my website : cheap dr. dre pro headphones online

Anonymous said...

Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular article!

It is the little changes which will make the greatest changes.

Many thanks for sharing!
Here is my blog free java chat

Anonymous said...

Malaysia & Singapore & brunei ultimate internet
blogshop for wholesale & supply korean add-ons, earrings, earstuds,
choker, rings, hair, bangle & trinket add-ons. Deal 35 % wholesale markdown. Ship Worldwide
Here is my webpage ; ohio unemployment

Anonymous said...

Appreciate the recommendation. Let me try it out.
Here is my website : weight lifting

Anonymous said...

What i do not realize is in fact how you are not actually much more smartly-preferred than
you might be right now. You're very intelligent. You know therefore considerably on the subject of this matter, produced me in my opinion consider it from so many varied angles. Its like women and men are not interested unless it's something
to do with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs excellent.

All the time take care of it up!
Feel free to surf my blog :: click through the up coming document

Anonymous said...

I'm really loving the theme/design of your website. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility issues? A small number of my blog visitors have complained about my blog not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any ideas to help fix this problem?

Also visit my blog; parenting advice
My web page > mom blogger

Anonymous said...

I quite like reading a post that will make people think.
Also, thanks for permitting me to comment!

Feel free to surf to my web site ... Demands of Mobile Apps

Anonymous said...

Excellent site you have here but I was curious if you knew of any community forums that cover the same
topics discussed in this article? I'd really like to be a part of online community where I can get suggestions from other knowledgeable individuals that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thanks a lot!

Here is my site ... Spazio-kovan

Anonymous said...

Hi there, its nice piece of writing regarding media print,
we all understand media is a impressive source of
information.

Also visit my website; party girls

Anonymous said...

I have read so many content about the blogger lovers except this post is actually a pleasant paragraph, keep it up.


Take a look at my web page: watch free porn vides ()